lessons in grace: recognition.

I had a hard conversation with my fiancee yesterday.

We were talking about one of my "dream jobs" - working for Noonday Collection. I was talking to him about applying, but the timing just wouldn't be good with everything going on - moving back with my parents, wedding planning, married in October, then moving to FL. It sounded good, but it would just add more stress. 

We then started talking about why I wanted to apply and work for them. And that was when the tough parts of the conversation came out. I told him basically the reason I wanted to work for them was to get recognition. For my jewelry-making talent, for helping people in need. Aka I have pride issues.

And when I realized that...yikes. It was like God took a magnifying glass to my heart, and said "Hey, this isn't good. That is not the reason I gave you these skills."

Everyone wants to be recognized, to be acknowledged for the work they do. But when that becomes our motivation is when problems happen. I thought about the passage where the disciples are asking Jesus who will sit beside Him in heaven. Essentially they wanted recognition more than Jesus Himself. And I realized that's what I'm doing. I'm saying, "I want recognition for the talents You've given me, more than I want You." 

My life is not about being an artist. I have to realize that. My life is about following Jesus. He comes first.

I feel like I'm in a rut with the jewelry-making, that it isn't purposeful. That I'm not making a difference with my talents like I want to. Of course I want recognition, but it's become an issue. It is not supposed to be my motivator or something I expect. And that can only happen with God's help of weeding that desire out of my heart. Because dangit, I want it bad. And isn't that how sins usually go?

Being the wise owl my fiancee is, he then started talking about being faithful in the little things. I cannot expect great, wonderful opportunities to come up if I am not faithful with the smallness of my business in the here and now. I have to stop overlooking my everyday interactions, the customers that trickle through, all while glancing ahead, trying to skip this tough, dry season to get to the good stuff. 

It doesn't happen overnight, and it was never meant to work that way. God oftentimes gives us the slow, small path to teach us things, to prepare us. 

Do I have any idea what He's preparing me for? I have no clue. But apparently I need to stick it out and be faithful with the small stuff. 

"One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much."

{{Luke 16:10}}

And the underlying key to this? Humility. 

Humility in my everyday practices, interactions, humility in success, humility in the dry season. Humility always. 

And you know what? All of this examining of my heart on a regular ole' Wednesday night led me to realize this --- the more I find out about myself, my heart and my sins, the more I see how deficient I am. I need Jesus, plain and simple. No way I could do anything on my own. And you know what the funny thing is? 

That's how it's supposed to be. 

He reveals our sins and heart to us so that we see more clearly our need of Him. And we all need Him.

Am I telling y'all this because I want a pat on the back for being honest? Nope. I just want to have a more open heart, and be vulnerable to give other people the freedom and grace to do the same. I hope my words are an encouragement. :)

What are some life lessons you've been learning lately? Care to share about the tough ones? 

coffee dates + struggles + hope

Today I'm linking up with Rachel over at Oh, Simple Thoughts for a Coffee Date!

If you read my first post here, then you know I love coffee! I love catching up with friends over coffee dates, especially if we can find a cute local coffee shop. {This month, though, I cut out going to coffee shops, so no actual coffee dates for me! I'll be writing a post about that later.} Like Rachel said, I love how friends can open up to each other over a simple cup of coffee. I've had some of the best conversations over a simple cup of joe, and it's exciting to hear how God is working in our friends lives, and then oftentimes, their reactions show me how exciting God's work is in my own life. It can be so easy to see the good going on in other people's lives, and we often forget what God has done for us in our own.

So here I sit with my travel mug full {reheated from earlier, not ideal}, and I want to share some of what's been on my heart lately...

Y'all --- the blog world is overwhelming. I enjoy writing, and I love getting the chance to have this corner of the blog world carved out for myself and Hope Collective, but I start to feel overwhelmed when I see myself at the beginning, and all that there is ahead. I get so easily distracted by all the prettiness too! haha Seriously, though, it's a blessing and a curse. I'm inspired by the beautiful spaces I see, pretty studios, perfect products, but I also get jealous and covetous. Not good, I know. So I want this space to be real --- I want to show the good and the struggles of my life, of my business Hope Collective so that others can see that believers are real people - we still struggle with sins, with ourselves and those around us. We all need God's grace, continuously, second by second.

Another thing I struggle with is my business. I almost feel like I shouldn't even call it a business yet because it is so teeny tiny. I work full-time, so it is super hard to get Hope Collective off the ground. I started this blog to help that a little bit. I get so easily discouraged about the "success" of my business, if it will ever grow, and if I'm making a difference {info on how I plan to give back coming soon}. I cannot tell you how many times I've cried about it {but my Mom and boyfriend probably could, ha!}. But, despite the struggles, annoyances, and competition, I know without a doubt that somehow God is using this/going to use this to help others. I have to trust in His timing {that is so hard}, because it just may not be the right time for my business to take off full-fledged. And that is ok. But, I have learned that it is not ok to give up...

I am learning that we must keep working at it {whatever that is for you} even when we don't see God's hand at work just yet.

I'm learning that I am so, so weak. I have so many doubts about who I am, and what I do. I struggle with guilt and shame. But I am also learning God makes and desires to make all things new! He desires us to lay down our shame and guilt, and embrace His forgiveness and joy. I feel like I'm turning over a new leaf in my life, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but it has a little to do with that - with setting aside shame, guilt and lies, and living in God's promises. We don't have to be perfect, and we never will be - but thank God for His new mercies.

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;" {1 Corinthians 1:27}

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." {1 Corinthians 7:17}

"He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." {2 Corinthians 1:10}

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." {2 Corinthians 12:9}

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." {Philippians 1:6}

{all verses taken from the ESV Bible}

So, if you feel like sharing in the comments, what are some things you're struggling with, and/or are joyful about right now? What encourages you to keep going when it gets tough? 

As always, feel free to email me at ShopHopeCollective@gmail.com.

I'd love to hear from you! :)